Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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