dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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