is your mom at the bar?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
