someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize