In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
