its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
