There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Oh god it's open bar.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
