Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
