you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
