apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
