Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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