Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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