piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Houston, we have a blender
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
