i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
