Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
