Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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