gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
