Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
