if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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