My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just want nice things and good sex
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
