did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
