The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
