you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
