The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize