i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Two words: blizzard sex
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
