I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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