You don't have asthma, your pregnant
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
