I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
