She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
