they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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