I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
