it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
