I'm so fucking centered right now
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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