i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Everyone says I win the strip club
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize