I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
