i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
