Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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