I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
