well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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