my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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