Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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