dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
