Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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