he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
