why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
even my farts smell like vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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