A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
