between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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