just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
