That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
