He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
