wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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