Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
