I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
