i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
