In the future we'll all be gay
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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