quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
