i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
