just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
