It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
