Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Please, let me fuck your mom
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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