I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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