if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
