wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
