this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize