We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
