no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
