nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
