They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
