Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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