Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
