walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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