I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
