??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
