you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
