All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I will be naked everywhere
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
