youre lurking in front of me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
