Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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