im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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