i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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