My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
