I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
