mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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