I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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