Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
