I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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