i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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