After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pants are for mortals
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize