I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
