The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
