Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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