he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize