he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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