you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
