haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
