Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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