it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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